{ #Secure }
Secure.
se·cure
səˈkyo͝or/
adjective
Fixed or fastened so as not to give way or be lost.
Certain to remain or continue safe and unharmed.
Feeling safe, stable, and free from fear or anxiety.
Feeling no doubts about attaining; certain to achieve.
The opposite of what I've experienced for 20 years of my life, until recently. I've finally experienced self-confidence! You may laugh, but it's an accomplishment for me. I see it this way because for years I put myself through personal hell.
Chrishaun you have to be the best.
Chrishaun you have to work hard.
Chrishaun you have to prove yourself.
Or else... you're nothing.
Yes, I was my hardest critic and I still am. The only difference between today and yesterday is that I now love myself. I am completely in love with me and it's unlike anything I've ever experience. Its given me a new sense of confidence.
SELF-CONFIDENCE + LOVE = SELF LOVE
For years, I believed that love was only attainable through other people; other people's validation, encouragement and belief in me. Over time, I began to believe that true love came from relationships with men. That mindset led me to a handful of breakups and many dead ends.
Thus, the reason I decided to focus on my personal journey. I didn't do it for a purpose or for fame. I did it to discover something deeper... for me. In the midst of taking care of me I began to feel love flow through me for the first time. It was a godly experience that I could have never imagine until that moment.
SELF-CONFIDENCE + LOVE = HAPPINESS
It didn't happen over night, but I finally experienced... LOVE.
Real love.
Mary J. Blige real love.
And it's beautiful.
I first experience this feeling while on my way to work a few weeks ago. The feeling manifested after reading this beautifully written blog by authors Donnell Morris and Veronica Tugleva. I was literally on the highway silently experiencing my own love with the sun beaming on my face. It was a love that I manifested from within, right from the center of my being.
"Define love as an awareness of [your] connection to the world, and allow that connection to take endless forms." - Donnell Morris & Vironika Tugleva
There was no one around to experience it, but God... and the other drivers in traffic peeping over at my gleaming face at 8:30am. It was beautiful and I needed no other person to experience it. I needed no one to feel this love. I only needed myself.
After living in self-love heaven for a good 20 minutes I thought...
this is powerful.
And damn!
Why am I now getting this?
But, it doesn't matter how long the journey was. Today, I understand where true love comes from and I feel it all the time. My love is powerful, energetic, exotic, strong, happy, caring, romantic, thoughtful, warm, friendly, trusting, sweet, compassionate and forever. It's a feeling that I now choose to offer or only experience with me.
Secure.
Winter 2017